I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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