apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
