he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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