What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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