I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
