I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
