My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
