WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
