3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
