Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
