The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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