dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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