best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Two words: nipple clamps
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