I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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