as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
