the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
