When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
did i walk over a car last night?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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