you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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