I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
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Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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