The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
