Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
