i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
