Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The best revenge is premature balding
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
