cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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