Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
