Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she woke up with a sticky ear
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
