she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i drank out of a bidet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
