chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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