Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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