If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
