ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
