evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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