Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
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Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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