oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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