She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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