I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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