No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
