I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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