I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
