I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
