lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
