he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
