i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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