You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
