Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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