clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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