He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
