Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
