Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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