Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Holy sore nipples Batman
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
