Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
