i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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