Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
