I'm jealous of your bromance
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
