There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
