Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
