Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need to calm my uterus...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
