shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
