im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
