So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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