it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
