I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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