God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we made out on top of his cat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
