Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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