I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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