I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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