i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
