I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
