Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
