hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
