Michael Bay diarrhea
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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