Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
