i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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