Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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