I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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